oh, boy.

An empty cup on the table. National Geographic on the tv. Im staring at my purple, yellow and orange fingernails on the keyboard. And thoughts are swirling in my brain.

Yes. Or no? Why is it so hard? .

My brain went dead. But my mouth kept moving. I dont even know what im babbling about. Irrelevant stuffs. Gosh.

Am i going mad?

Yikes.

YES or NO.

Why is it so hard???

oh, crap.

Wow. I never expect it to come so soon. I mean, everything was so good and all. It felt so unreal, so impossible. Sigh. What's done was done. There's no way back. I gotta move on right?

I've been living in misery for 3 days. 3 days...it feels like eternity. I'm like an empty shell, a walking dead. It's like i don't know what's the aim of my life anymore. I went to sleep thinking bout it, and the first thing that popped into my head when i wake up is him. I spent like, twenty four seven thinking bout it. I cant help it, you know. It's funny how a guy could make you do. One second, they tell you how much they love you blahblahblah BULLSHITS and the next second, it's like nothing has happened before. Wth? I seriously don't know how to carry on with my life. Like, how???? I don't have a clue. I really don't. Life goes on. I know. I gotta forget about everything, get the f-ing hell over him and move on. I know, I know. But the problem is, i don't know how. It's like, i have a mental block, i don't know what to do with my life. All those memories kept coming back to me, my tears kept threatening to fall. And i cant do anything except holding on to that tiny little thread of sanity that's left of me.

Argh. I cant believe im this wrecked. Because of a guy, man. Wth. So not worth it. But what to do? The brain is not cooperating with me. I know it's a matter of time. But how long? How freaking long? Eurgh. This is so sick.

And the heart... I don't know what i could do with it. All the scars are open and it's broken into million of pieces. I don't think there's any way in this whole wide world that will cure a broken heart. Is there? Sigh. I am SO wrecked. So, so wrecked :(

Mend my heart! Anyone?

Forget and Move on, girl. It's the only way.

sigh.

Im silently counting every tick of the clock,

waiting for his reply,

begging the phone to buzz.

Hours came and went,

my phone lie unmoving and silent in the corner,

I finally get it,

my boyfriend still haven't text me :(

Blinded by Love

You think i could get through five hours-five hours, for crying out loud!-without his message? I tell you what, NO!! If you think i could, then you seriously dont know me. We could as well be strangers. I may look mad from the outside, but my heart's crying in the inside. But right now, tears are falling down my cheeks and the threads are coming off all the mended scars. It's like having thousands of daggers pierce through my fragile heart. Yeah, havent i tell you before? My heart's fragile, VERY fragile.

hmm.....

*sigh*
To me, birthdays are really important. I dont know why or how or whatever, it just felt really important, it just felt like something to be really excited about, something which makes you go crazy or whatsoever. But well, this year-although i've gone a lil berserk about it at first-but as time passes (nearer to 11.7.2010) i felt....i dont know, it's indescribable, like, well...uh, you just felt anything but happy....like there's a bother there that you know but cant identify. (oh-kay...i have no idea what i'm babbling about-i've lost my mind. whatev.) So, thing is i dont feel really happy nor excited nor crazy-ish nor oh-my-gawd-i'm-fourteen-is-that-old nor whatever you can think of. just very PLAIN-ISH, BORING-ISH, PFFT-ISH. You get the idea, dont cha?

*sign*

Shoot! I really, really, really should get the hell over with him. This is just plain stupid....Urgh! I cant believe i'm actually acting like this. This is so sick.... Man, i really hope that my hay-wired brain would try to get out of that swamp. I'm sick of it,you know. I know-i know it very well-that it's just a matter of time. Yeah...but how long??? I just wish i can get over with it as soon as possible cause i dont see that there's any reasons to continue falling into that deep, dark pit. And it does nothing but making me bother about things that's not worth the dying of my precious little cells. Yeah, i know i'm talking crap but well, it's part of my nature so....it's kind of un-avoidable!
Anyway....well,um....the conclusion is I SHOULD REALLY MAKE UP THAT USELESS MIND OF MINE AND GET THE TUT-ING HELL OVER WITH HIM. End of story!